Everybody Can’t Go With You

Today we’re talking about your circle.

You know the saying: you’re the sum of the five people closest to you. Here’s what I want you to know. Whoever you’re desiring to become, take an audit of the people closest to you. That’s as far as you’re going to go in life.

“I don’t need new friends”

A lot of people say, “I’m in my 40s or 50s. I don’t need new friends.” I beg to differ. With every rung of the ladder you climb, there will be different people you’ll want to connect with. That’s just how life works.

Some friendships we keep out of nostalgia. These friends knew us growing up. They know your family and everything about you. And no matter how much success you have, they always remind you of who you used to be and where you used to be.

A lot of times we hold on out of guilt. People tell you, “Don’t forget where you came from.” But remembering where I came from has nothing to do with where I’m going. You don’t have to hold on to a friendship just to prove you haven’t forgotten.

And I’m not saying you’re better than anybody. Maybe the next level of your life is better than the level you’re on, and that’s okay.

The phone audit

Here’s an exercise I’ve had my clients do for years.

1. Open your phone and find the five people you talk to and text the most.
2. Write down each name, and how you feel after you talk to them. Uplifted? Beat down? Drained? Thinking, “Here they go again with the same old problems”? If it’s the second, put a little X by their name.
3. Then ask yourself: would I trade places with this person? Would I live where they live, drive what they drive, work where they work? Would I want their marriage, eat like them, look like them?

You may be shocked. You may realize you’ve spent so much time with someone whose life you wouldn’t want. Then why are they your closest friends? Time is the one thing you can’t get back.

You might also ask yourself why you share so much of your intimate life, your problems, dreams, and desires, with someone who can’t help you get there because they’re struggling with their own issues.

Everybody cannot go with you

I’ll repeat that: everybody cannot go with you to where you are going. Some friends are for a season or a reason. Some people will buy a ticket and watch from the balcony. Some will watch from the front row. But not everybody gets on the journey with you, and that’s okay.

When I did this exercise myself years ago, it was a lonely road for a while. Since then, new friends have found me. If you look at the lives of the people closest to you and then look in the mirror, your life will reflect a lot of theirs.

You don’t have to make an announcement. Just decide: “I don’t want this. This is what I want.” God will start aligning the people you need for the next level, but not until you decide.

Think about it this way. Commercial flights carry a lot of baggage and a lot of people. Private jets have limited capacity, and they fly higher and farther.

For you today

• Do the phone audit: your top five, how they make you feel, and whether you’d trade places with them.
• Notice who you share your dreams with, and whether they can help you get there.
• Make a decision about who’s coming with you, and let God align the rest.

See you tomorrow, live at 6 AM Eastern on YouTube.