Your Emergency Is Not My Emergency

Yesterday we audited your circle. Today we’re going one layer deeper.

Look back at your list. Which friends drained you, and how? Who always needed rescuing, always had an emergency? And the better question: what role are you playing in that friendship?

Your friends are a mirror

People ask me all the time: “Why do I keep attracting needy men? Unavailable men? Friends who always have drama?”

What most people don’t realize is that those people are a reflection of what’s going on inside of us. We just haven’t taken the time to look at that reflection.

Doing nothing is still doing something

I know auditing your friendships isn’t fun. But we’re on a 14-day reset, and resetting your life means dealing with things you don’t want to deal with.

Once you’ve identified the people you shouldn’t be spending time with, the next question is, “Now what?” And when people don’t know what to do, they don’t do anything. That’s where the repeating pattern in your life lives.

When you do nothing, you’re really saying it’s okay. You’re giving people permission to walk over you, use you, and take advantage of you.

The one-sided friendship

You initiate the text. You make the “just checking on you” call. You drop off something when they’re not feeling well. You give the gifts. You initiate everything. That’s a one-sided friendship.

So ask yourself: why is it one-sided? What role am I playing? And what can I do to say, “I deserve better. I deserve a more fulfilling life”?

I know: “I don’t want to be the bad guy. I want to be the good girl.” Trust me, I’ve been there and done that. But how does that serve you?

Hanging up the cape

I had a friend whose every call was an emergency. She wanted me to drop everything I was doing and come to her rescue.

Once I saw what was going on, I had to be honest with myself: TMac, you must be a glorified fixer. You must enjoy putting on that cape and solving her problems, because you’re always available for it.

So I did something different. Every emergency had to wait. Your emergency is not my emergency.

You know how the doctor’s office says, “If this is an emergency, don’t call us, call 9-1-1”? That became my boundary. I wasn’t going to be her hero. If someone wants to put the monkey on your back, take it off and hand it back.

Now I hear from her maybe once every six months, and that’s okay. The emergencies disappeared, or she found another fixer. Maybe she’s calling 9-1-1 now.

She’s waiting for you

There are 8 billion people on this planet. They are not going to die because you chose a different path. They’ll be okay.

When you’re moving from one version of yourself to the next, there’s always one nagging thing you know you need to let go of. “But I’ve got to do this. I need to wait.” Let it go. It no longer serves you, and there’s no room for it.

The next version of you is screaming, “Girl, let’s go! We’ve got so much to accomplish, explore, and connect with.” Once you meet her, you’ll wish you’d given yourself permission sooner.

It’s like that bad outfit you bought and keep saving “for when I lose five more pounds.” Then you finally put it on and say, “Oh my God, I didn’t know I could wear this. Look at me.” That’s her. She’s waiting for you. All you have to do is step into her.

For you today

• Look at your list from yesterday and ask: what role am I playing in each friendship?
• Name the boundary you need to set, like “Your emergency is not my emergency.”
• Identify the one nagging thing you need to let go of, and let it go.

See you tomorrow, live at 6 AM Eastern on YouTube.