The One Decision That Will Change Your Life After 40

Day 14, the final day of my 14-day 6 AM Check-in. If you stuck with me through all 14 days, thank you. I hope this series caused a real reset in your life.

Yesterday I promised to tell you the advice my girlfriend gave me over 10 years ago. It changed my relationships, it led to my marriage, and I’ve used it in every area of my life since.

The list in New Orleans

A year before I met my husband, my girlfriend and I took a trip to New Orleans. One afternoon we were lying on our hotel beds, staring at the ceiling, and she asked me, “Do you want to be married again?”

I’d already been married twice. I was 39. I said, “Perhaps. But I do want a good man eventually.”

Then she asked, “What do you want in a man?”

I started crying, and the list just poured out of me. I want him to travel for a living. I want him to adore me the way your husband adores you. I didn’t hesitate on a single thing.

She said, “Why don’t you write that down?” So I grabbed the little hotel notepad and wrote down everything. Then we went out, partied all night, and never mentioned it again. I folded the list, put it in my luggage, and forgot about it.

The test

Fast forward a year. I met my now husband, and I loved everything about him, except I found out he wasn’t single. That was my deal breaker. I told him it was over.

My girlfriend talked to him, then called me. She told me about a decision she made early on with her husband. If she had kept judging him by the standards she’d used on everybody in her past, she would have missed out on the best person for her.

Then she asked me, “Do you love this man?” Absolutely.

“Pull out your list,” she said.

Girl, I was mad. What list? I dug through journal after journal (I have about a million) until I found it, tucked inside one of them. She told me to check off every quality on that list that he had.

I checked off every single thing except one: at least six feet tall. My husband is not six feet tall. We both started laughing.

Then she said something I’ve never forgotten. You told the universe exactly what you wanted. This man showed up on an app you were on for less than 24 hours. And because of one thing, you’re shutting him out without asking a single question. If you keep doing that, you’ll stay single and keep recycling the same type of person. You’ll keep taking the same test until you pass it.

I was mad, and I was scared. I cried for hours. But I made a decision: I’ll hear him out, and I’ll weigh things from there.

That was 10 years ago.

How you do anything is how you do everything

That one decision is how you reset your life. How you do anything is how you do everything.

If I had walked away without knowing anything, based on a story I made up in my head, we would not be together. And when I looked back over my life, I could see so many places where one decision, looking at it from a different perspective, would have changed everything.

It doesn’t matter if it’s financial, emotional, or physical. One decision changes everything. That’s the master reset.

Nobody can create the life you desire but you. If you let what society says or what you were taught make your decisions, you’ll always be chasing the next thing.

Write it down like a Christmas list

Write down everything you desire. Write it like a little kid writing a Christmas list: no hesitation, no holding back. Write down the woman you want to become. Remember her? Write down her qualities.

Then set it and forget it. You don’t have to rewrite it every day or follow a complicated method. Let God and the universe orchestrate the details. I never imagined, lying in that hotel room in New Orleans, that I’d meet my husband on Tinder.

But before your next big blessing, you’ll face the test you failed before. Don’t fail it again. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.

For you today

• Write your list. Everything you desire, in love, money, and life, like a kid’s Christmas list.
• Put it away. Fold it up, tuck it in a journal, and let it go.
• Watch for your test. When it shows up, ask yourself: am I about to repeat the same pattern?

What’s next

Thank you for these 14 days. I pushed through more behind the scenes than you know, and I’m so grateful you stuck with me. We’re going back to our weekly routine with longer sit-down videos. See you next week.