Why High Earners Still Can’t Get Ahead

This is Day 11 of our 14-day 6 AM Check-in live series, and today we’re talking money.

Here’s what I know to be true: so many high-earning, successful women over 40 have had amazing careers and still make really good money, but they can’t get ahead. They feel stuck.

We call that the golden cage. Everything looks good on paper: the education, the great job, the great salary, the beautiful home, the nice cars. But you’re still living paycheck to paycheck, or your money is being drained in other ways.

Nobody taught us

Some people will say, “You’re just living above your means.” Here’s the thing: most of us were never taught how to live within our means.

If you’re Gen X like me, your parents probably never had any money. They were struggling. Many of us were the first in our families to go to college, finish, and get a good job. We started behind the eight ball.

I got my first nursing job at 18. I thought I was the richest person in the world. I bought a brand-new car the day I graduated nursing school, got a nice apartment, and filled it with furniture. Then: uh-oh, I have to work to pay for all this. This was 1994, and I was making maybe $9 or $10 an hour.

I was raised by a single mom, and we were scraping to survive. I remember times she gave me her food to eat first, and whatever I didn’t finish, I handed the bowl back and she ate it. Many of us carry financial skeletons like that.

The family ATM and the secret worry

Then, once you make good money, you become the ATM for your family. “She’s a nurse. She’s a hairstylist. She has the money.” Never mind that you’re a single parent raising two kids by yourself.

And then there’s the secret worry. On the outside, you look polished and put together. On the inside, you’re screaming for help, and you don’t know who to turn to. Your peers have their own issues. Your family has their hands out.

How many years does that go on? How many times do the creditors have to call before you say, “I need help”?

Stop the bleeding

At some point you have to put the oxygen mask on your own face first. “I know it looks like I have it going on, but I have a family, bills, and children who want to go to college. I need to take care of my family first.”

Tell your family and friends: the bank is closed.

Then turn within. A lot of the time, our own spending habits keep us struggling, even when we’re making amazing money.

The convenience trap

I’m guilty of this one: I call Uber Eats for anything. One day I opened an itemized bill: a service charge, a convenience charge, tax, and charges with no explanation. I’m pretty sure a $9 sushi roll cost me about $20, and I can walk to that sushi place.

Out of sight, out of mind. But $10 extra here and there, in every area of your life, gets very expensive. We have Starbucks at home. Personally, I never could figure out that menu anyway. The fraps and the double pumps were too much for me, so I’d get a $1 McDonald’s coffee.

Credit cards

When you swipe that card, you should be able to pay it off the same month. If you’re only paying minimums, you’re handing a lot of your hard-earned money to the credit card companies. Think about the tens of thousands of dollars we’ve given away over the years in finance charges and convenience fees. I’ve been there and done that.

“I spend that on coffee every month”

One of my clients wanted to learn how to buy real estate at tax sales. She asked how I have so many properties.

I showed her my portfolio. I’ve bought properties for as little as $500, and my average is around $1,200. Some I’ve turned around and flipped for $15,000, $25,000, even $64,000.

She said, “That’s all you paid? I spend that every month on coffee. I could have bought a whole neighborhood by now.”

Let that sink in.

Dirt pays for the Porsche

When we’re caught up in “I’ve got to have it now,” we miss the wealth-building piece.

It’s sexier to drive a luxury car. I’ve owned two Porsches. But my real estate paid for them, not me physically working like a dog. Buying dirt for $500 or an abandoned building for $1,500 isn’t sexy. But that’s what pays for the luxury cars, the homes, and the vacations.

I worked as a nurse for 25 years before I realized I was doing this all backwards. I’m 51, and thank God I started in my 40s. If you’re in your 40s, 50s, or 60s and haven’t started, it’s not too late.

For you today

• Pull up your itemized bills: delivery apps, coffee, subscriptions. Add up the convenience fees for one month.
• Check your credit cards. Are you paying in full, or paying minimums?
• If you’re the family ATM, decide what “the bank is closed” looks like for you.

You can’t fix what you won’t look at. See you tomorrow, live at 6 AM Eastern on YouTube.